Sunday, February 15, 2009

Beckoning

The wanderer in me is beckoning. It starts as a whisper, a passing thought, turns into random daydreams, until it is a strong voice in my soul, pushing, cajoling, calling. It is a siren's call to the bohemian in me. Pack up, pick up, jump in the car and go. Pick a direction, any direction, and drive.

It is squelched by the responsible side of me. Children need stability, routine, the familiarity of their life of the moment. This is what I had growing up. They've had too much instability in their short lives already.

Their father had travel, constant change, lots of upheaval. Here, there, from the Midwest to Hawaii, to Samoa, Thailand, back to the Midwest with a few different states mixed in. Childhood possessions reduced to what could fit in one small box. I saw the effect it had on him and his sisters.

I want the stability for my children. It is why I stay where I am now.

My soul calls out for change, new lifestyles, new people, new places. I am a vagabond at heart, I'm learning. Dreams find us living overseas, or traveling North America for a year or two. Just to show the kids all the different lifestyles there are. That ours is not the only way to live, nor the best way to live.

So the responsibility and the vagabond war within me. The stable, responsible me will win. I weep for the bohemian that will remain caged. For now.

8 comments:

Frogdancer said...

I SO HEAR YOU!

Oops. Sorry for shouting. Caps lock was on....

Shania said...

I'm fighting that very battle right now. I hope the responsible side wins, but I'm beginning to wonder.

The Queen said...

I too fight that battle. I have for several years.. 20 years in the same place has been a constant battle for me.. I was use to every year or two.. moving on... and I too, wish to move on..

Diane said...

I know exactly how you feel. Exactly.

J... said...

I never thought about it before but hubby and I are that way...me the constant wanderer and him in one place his whole existance. I wonder if I want to continue the wandering or if I am content to just stay idle...for now.

Emily said...

I'm a wanderer too - always wondering where next is.

To play devils advocate: we never travelled anywhere as kids, but as soon as I could I started travelling and have tried not to stop for too long. My sisters have never really travelled and I think their view of the world is seriously compromised because of it.

I think kids who travel and experience new and unusual things understand the world a lot better. Maybe you don't have to wait as long as you think you do!

Bohemian Single Mom said...

("It is a siren's call to the bohemian in me. Pack up, pick up, jump in the car and go. Pick a direction, any direction, and drive.")

Amen sista!
I get it, I really, really do!
I LOVE this post.

Its Just Me - Daring to Dream said...

It takes a very strong person to be very transparent before the world as well as themselves. I applaud you for your blog and your choice to want more.

I have moved more times that I can count. My credit report lists all of my addresses and I have about 15 thus far in my life. After the passing of my mother and father, I decided to follow my hearts desire and settle near the ocean. I have been the single parent, now I am raising myself with my hubby alongside.

Find YOUR place and stick to it for your kids, then when they are in college...YOUR place is all yours...and the kids will come to visit :))