Tuesday, February 10, 2009

Avoiding the Slippery Slope

Thank you, everyone, for your encouraging words on my last (depressing) post. I felt somewhat better after writing. I don't know why I avoid it at the times when I need to write the most. Writing has always been my outlet, my stress reliever, my way to work things out. Okay, I do know why I avoid it. I have been blogging for over a year now and I still carry that fear deep inside of me that these words of mine will be used against me. I know that this fear is a little irrational. I know that the people I could see attempting to hurt me would not win. But it's there all the same.

I also know myself well enough to know that I am sliding down that slippery slope of depression again. It's something that I will very likely have to battle all of my life. I quit taking medications almost two years ago and have attempted to manage without. I don't feel I'm anywhere close to needing meds again but I also don't want to hit that bottom where I do need them. What I need is to follow through with my chosen word for the year . . . ACTION. Action is one of the best ways to fight this battle, I've found. Quit making excuses or playing the if that happens, then I'll do this game. Just do it! (thanks Nike!)

Here's what I need to "just do" this week.

~make a dentist appointment for the kids

~send in the application for CHIP's to see if we'll qualify in addition to my health insurance (rheumatology appointments and potential medicines are not cheap)

~sit my butt down and STUDY! One exam in Microbiology on Thursday, nursing school entrance exam next Wednesday, a physiology case study and a lab due this Friday.

~write on a schedule! Thanks, Emily, for your suggestion to start "The Artist's Way". I don't have it on hand but I do have "The Right to Write" by Julia Cameron, who is the author of "The Artist's Way", and I will start with that.

~spend at least two hours sorting through boxes in the basement and actually hanging some pictures on the walls to start making this house feel like a home and a sanctuary.

Shania, thank you. You're right. YOU, wonderful readers, are my tribe and I am thankful to have found you. J, you're right and I would love that, although it's easier said than done (I may just have to watch my latest Kevin Smith movie for some really big laughs). Vanessa, we need to get out of this funk!

I wish more of you would delurk so I could meet you too. As for my action plan? I'll start on that tonight, after work because you know, I am . . ." The Procrastinator"!


Vanessa said...

Agreed! Funk be gone! Serenity NOW! I have the Artist's Way and have said I need to start it many times. Perhaps I should focus on that as well? Perhaps we should start a blog group to motivate all of us to do it together?

The Real Life Fairy Tale Princess said...

Hang in there babe! One of my favorite quotes is...

"Everything will be okay in the end... if it's not okay... it's not the end."

I'm a firm believer that our state of mind has a lot to do with our perspective. If we CHOOSE to find happiness, we will be happy despite the "darkness" lurking nearby.

You're on the right track. You know part of the problem and you're taking steps to stop the downward spiral. Kepp up the good work and don't forget to take time to smile to yourself and take as many deep breaths as you need.


Anonymous said...

I'm sure there's more than just me, out here, lurking, reading you and sending you thoughts and mental HUGS! Sometimes I even have time to make a comment...

Oh yes: Shania is a Fantastic Lady!

J... said...

I lurk on your site often. I am usually reading at work so I don't get a chance to comment! I will try to get better about that!

Sending hugs and "funk be gone" wishes your way!

The Queen said...

HEY I DON'T LURK.. shit here lately I have been forgetting to read anyone..

Princess has been teaching me blog design.. and you know me.. I only have that one little brain cell,, and I don't want to overwork it..

Loves and huge hugs..