Sunday, January 27, 2008

Realizations & Choices

I'm realizing how locked into their small town worlds most people are. As the subject has come up over the past week and a half, I've had the opportunity to inform various people that I've resigned my job. The incredulous looks on their faces have been quite entertaining. Apparently resigning your job is a very shocking thing to do around here. The question that follows most often is "What are you going to do?", seconded only by "Are you going to move?". Both thoughts appear to be simply unimaginable. My answers to both questions are "I'm not sure", even though I am sure about the move. However, with each person I tell I feel more free and less bound by the small town mentality that abounds. It's becoming easier to think "Why not?" instead of "Why?".

How is it that we let life become a treadmill, simply repeating the same thing over and over? I'm realizing how much I want to remove myself from the "rat-race". It's much easier said than done, though. I want the children to be involved in non-school activities but it's amazing how much time those activities take up, especially when multiplied times three, with the addition of my own activities (mainly classes and 2 side jobs). I wonder how I got to this point in my life...the point where I feel like I am no longer in control but simply on autopilot. That is one of the main things I am trying to change about me this year. Instead of looking at my EMT class as another time consumer, I keep trying to remind myself that there is a method to this particular madness, that this class is something to help take us closer to where I want to be in life. As some friends keep reminding me, supposedly the kids will be happier when mommy is happier. And mommy has been downright miserable for a long time now!

On a happier note, I had my first exam in class this week and not only did I pass....I had zero wrong! Yeah! This class is pretty intense and it leaves me feeling like I'm taking a condensed version of medical school. However, it's interesting and I like it. Just the little bit of knowledge I've gained so far helps me feel a bit more empowered.

Today is the first day that I have only one activity scheduled, if you can consider a part-time job a scheduled activity. I've debated quitting but working at this restaurant has provided a bit of mental relief and stability for me. The people there don't care or even know the small town gossip and it's nice to be somewhere that I'm appreciated and I know I'm doing a good job. Not to mention that the tips really help us get through each month and would be sorely missed!

This year I need to do a better job of taking care of myself in order to take better care of my family. I received the unhappy news that my cholesterol is a whopping 274! As someone in my late thirties that's not a good thing to hear. I need to make better dietary choices and am leaning towards a more vegetarian/vegan eating style. I'm not ready to make the total commitment just yet, because every now and thing I simply CRAVE a hamburger. However, I'm gradually replacing dairy with rice and soy options, and am REALLY trying to increase the amount of fruits/veggies that we eat. It's makes it much easier that Mr. Irony is vegan and does well with pointing me in the right direction. I also need to make the commitment to get back into exercising. I used to enjoy doing Pilates but haven't since we moved last spring (never hooking up the DVD player has a lot to do with the lack of Pilates around here). If I make healthier lifestyle choices for me that equates into healthier lifestyle choices for the kids too. Bonus!

I'm off now to enjoy the rest of my afternoon before work. Did I say enjoy? Scratch that. I'm off to work on the mountain of laundry, straightening up the downstairs and maybe....just maybe.... getting the Christmas tree taken down and put away. For all you latte lovers, drop in at Starbucks and have a Cinnamon Dolce Latte for me! mmmmmm.....

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