Monday, February 25, 2008

What to do, what to do.....or improving the quality of life

Stepping back into day to day life is hard for me right now. I want so much to escape our current life that any break away from it makes it harder for me to get through.

We spent part of the weekend at a hotel in the city we are moving to this summer. It was Action's birthday and that is how he wanted to celebrate it. We all enjoyed the time away and the kids had a great time swimming. Granted, Anime was still feeling poorly but she did swim and enjoy herself some. I got to visit with a friend that I haven't seen since last spring and we were visited by some of the kids' cousins and a set of grandparents. Mr Irony and his daughter stopped by for a while but as both of them were feeling the effects of cold and flu season, they did not stay long either.

It was so nice to be away and feel like a "normal" person. Nice to do something that we never get to do anymore. But it was disappointing in a way also. I never got to get in and swim with the kids as we had visitors from the time we got there until around 9pm that night. By that time I was way too tired to go swim. I feel like I missed time with my kids, even though they had fun.

Yes, I am feeling down. Depressed even. Nothing some sunshine and warmth wouldn't fix though.

I visited a friend of the family who is in the hospital in the city we were visiting. His dilemma made me a bit more mindful of why I am unhappy right now. He has been told that his back is unfixable, that he will no longer be able to live alone. This will more than likely mean that they will have to sell their home and move to the city, closer to where his wife works. This means, for him, the loss of most everything that he loves to fill his time with. He is thinking about the quality of life that he will have in the future and how he feels he can't face that. It broke my heart. It also made me think about my grandmother, and how, in the last few years of her life, she really had no quality of life.

It sounds selfish, but it made me think that part of what's missing for me, right now, is quality of life. I am sucked dry by the jobs I hold, leaving very little left to give to anyone around me. This leads me back to what I'm trying to decide. Should I pursue another job in education to provide an income for the couple years that I will be going to school part-time or should I step out and try something different? And if I try something different to support us what the heck am I qualified to do? Could I find a job that pays at least $30,000 that will leave me time for quality of life with the kids? Those around me say suck it up and stay with what I know until I finish school (again), that it might be better in a different school. I've been in several schools over the course of the last ten years and I know that it doesn't matter where I'm at....I dislike what I do. But what else am I qualified to do?! Or qualified to do that pays more than $8-$10 an hour?

Any thoughts or suggestions would be greatly appreciated because I am just at a stand-still with this decision.

1 comment:

Vanessa said...

Perhaps you can try something new? Feed your soul, give you energy and life to get through school. If that "new" doesn't work out then have teaching to fall back on? There are many things that would provide an income of $30k/yr. Waiting tables? Very flexible schedule, make as much money as you are willing to work. Medical receptionist? Regular hours, usually health benefits are included in salary so that can balance out a drop in monthly pay. I say life is too short to be unhappy, or even just "exist". We should find what makes us thrive, even for the short term.