Monday, February 18, 2008

Woohoo!

So many feelings are running through me right now. I was browsing my favorite blogs and popped over to mommybloggers.com to see what was new and what was new was ME! I had offered up the suggestion a couple weeks ago to have a blog relating to blended families. During my (rare) quiet time yesterday I typed up a submission and emailed it on over to mommybloggers. I was shocked, dumbfounded, awestruck to see the words that I had written printed on a site that I love to read. The tears I shed were unexpected, the feelings covering such a wide range of emotions in such a short time frame.

I began journaling as a tween, reveling in the fact that I could find release in written words, not just those written by others for me to read; but also in those written by me for me alone. I continued journaling well into adulthood. What stopped me? A downturn in my life when I realized that what I wrote (my feelings, my perspectives, my hopes and fears and dreams) could be turned and used against me by someone I loved. So I stopped, cold turkey. End of story. Or so I thought.

I tried to start writing again 3 years ago when I lost my grandmother. I found then that I had developed a fear of journaling. A fear of writing even poems or stories. The fear that those precious words in my head would somehow be used to hurt me. Fast-forward to present day. I've now realized that my thoughts were messed up, enhanced by the depression I was dealing with. But the fear remained. I've been slowly working to get back to my beloved writing, just to enjoy the release of those words that bounce and play within my brain. Starting my blog was an incredible leap for me because others would actually be able to read what I've written, put their own perspectives and opinions on my thoughts and words. But I did it because this year I'm refusing to be held in check by my own fears and worries.

So thank you, THANK YOU, mommybloggers.com! Thank you for the boost of confidence you've given me! Thank you to those of you few faithful who continue to read my humble offerings of my latte life! I'm currently enjoying this small victory with a caramel steamer. Why don't ya'll indulge in one also, on me.