Monday, January 26, 2009

An AHA! Moment

I was reading Christine Kane's blog post about Living If You Were Sacked Already and reading the last paragraph was one of those AHA! moments for me. Here's what it said:

When you take your power back and stop being scared of what others (or the economy, or politics, or your mean ex-girlfriend) can DO TO YOU, you step into the true reality where you get to decide each day how to create your life.

My theme word for the year is ACTION. Last year was all about CHANGE which was all well and good. There were some big changes. However, the most important changes that need to occur are going to require some work, hence the theme word ACTION (and yes, I know I refer to my son as action, just a little irony there I guess.)

Somewhere around the age of 21 I slowly started giving all of my power away. I realized a while ago that I was now scared of saying what I really felt or thought and that I changed myself constantly to be what I thought others wanted me to be. That is still ingrained in me, and I caught myself berating my children the other day for something that was in complete contrast to how I want them to live. I was essentially telling them that they weren't as important as someone else and that they needed to subvert themselves to the whims of another person. Whoa! I mean, there's being polite and then there's being extreme so as not to "bother" another person who makes choices that are different from ours. (Sorry for being so vague as to the actual circumstance.) My kids weren't being naughty or bad or anything but 3 normal kids and here I was letting myself be "scared" of someone else's response to them being kids.

That's what led into my AHA moment. It all clicked when I read Christine's post. I am sick of living that way! I spent far too many years tiptoeing around Mr. Ex, trying to gauge his moods, living in fear of what he might say. This is NOT what I want to teach my kids. How can they learn to stand up for themselves if I don't stand up for myself?

It all sounds good but it's harder to practice than to preach. It's been so long since I've spoken my mind when it really matters that I'm not even sure how to begin. But begin I must because it's not fair to me or anyone around me to just shut up. I can't get to where I need to be if I can't say what's on my mind. I see old patterns creeping up on me that need to be broken and smashed and swept away on the winds of change. Now where's my hammer and broom?


Deryl said...

What an awesome post! I am sharing this with a very close friend who I think could pull some great things from this. You continue to amaze me!

Shania said...

What a hard thing to change. I've just recently quit walking on eggshells around my husband. I finally figured out that his moods aren't my problem. It's very liberating and I hope you continue.

Anonymous said...

Fab post! I luckily learned my lesson several years ago (and now I need to learn to take other people into consideration more often - damn that pendulum!) its not easy to reclaim your worth (which is what it really is about - you have to believe that what you believe is worth something) but as soon as you start doing it you'll realise its contagious! Good luck - you're doing great!

The Modern Gal said...

I think fear dictates the way most people operate. It really is good to be able to take a step back and realize that it's mostly a waste of time. I know I should probably do that more often. Good for you for doing something about it!

dan leone said...

What a healthy and empowering reminder. I wish you the best while you work through yours. Thank you!

Dan Leone

Vanessa said...

This is an awesome post. I think I need to go read Christine's as well. I feel into the "chameleon" pattern and have been trying to break free since the SO and I split up. I'm doing better, but I'm also being very selective about the people "allowed" in my life.